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Do you ever get that feeling?
It seems to me there were a couple quotes from Zeitgeist that I wanted to share, and I can only find one of them just now. Not to be depressing, but I think this is a good description of a certain sort of mental.. space. One that people who are depressed or have been depressed would recognize.
"... I was a boy when I went into that prison. Fresh out of University. Prison hardened me. Prison made me a hard man."
"That's the truth about prison," Starlitz mused. "Vaclav Havel said that too."
"I think about those five years in prison," said Ozbey. "When I have Gonca Utz --on that divan there, commonly-- she moves her bottom for me, she moves her pretty legs, she cries out in that sweet voice . . . I spent five years in jail, as a very lonely man, looking forward to a moment like that. And now, I take that moment from Gonca whenever I please, but. . . I have to say this. . . I'm never quite there in that moment. I'm the man who is planning that moment. I'm the man boasting of it afterward. But I never seem to be the man who is there and enjoying that moment. Where did I lose myself, eh? Life seems so perfect. Where did the story go wrong?"
"... I was a boy when I went into that prison. Fresh out of University. Prison hardened me. Prison made me a hard man."
"That's the truth about prison," Starlitz mused. "Vaclav Havel said that too."
"I think about those five years in prison," said Ozbey. "When I have Gonca Utz --on that divan there, commonly-- she moves her bottom for me, she moves her pretty legs, she cries out in that sweet voice . . . I spent five years in jail, as a very lonely man, looking forward to a moment like that. And now, I take that moment from Gonca whenever I please, but. . . I have to say this. . . I'm never quite there in that moment. I'm the man who is planning that moment. I'm the man boasting of it afterward. But I never seem to be the man who is there and enjoying that moment. Where did I lose myself, eh? Life seems so perfect. Where did the story go wrong?"
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I don't think this is the whole answer because, in some ways, it's not true of me, but I do think it's part of the answer. Perhaps the moment is always in becoming, and not in being. Or, to put it in words that are much more cliche, it's not the destination, it's the journey.